


When It Started

by JessiMarie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Internal Conflict, Jealousy, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 10:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2306963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessiMarie/pseuds/JessiMarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam needs control, something he has complete choice over. It doesn't matter what it does to him, he can do what he wants. It's his body's and mind, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	When It Started

**Author's Note:**

> Just a small drabble. Anyone wants to expand in it just let me know, I want to read it. :) unbeta'd so sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes

When it first started, Sam thought he had it under control. 

He needed something he had complete control over, something that he chose for himself.

It just so happened that he like to control what he ate, or didn’t, in this case, and what marks he chose to mar his body with. 

It was his body, he could do what he wanted. And it’s not an eating disorder, it’s just self control. It all started when Cas came into the picture. 

It wasn’t that Sam didn’t like Cas, he just couldn’t stand to see the boy his brother chose, and still chooses, over him. Sam can’t control what Dean does, or the feelings he has towards Dean. Everything was just out of control! 

He needed a constant because everything else in his life was a variable. So he doesn’t eat, because maybe, if he’s skinnier Dean will love him again. He slides the blade against his skin in an efffort tobleed the feeling out and not care about Dean anymore. 

Sam does a total 180 from his good school boy life. And then he meets Lucifer, Cas' older brother. Lucifer shows him so many things, things Sam is so desperate for that even though he knows it's wronog, he is too far gone to care anymore.. 

So if Lucifer hands him a needle, Sam doesn’t question. If he offers Sam a small white pill, or a smelly joint to puff, Sam doesn't hesitate.

He lays back, and let’s it take over and he forgets.

Because if he remembers the pain comes back, and he will aviod that at all costs.

At all costs.


End file.
